Deep in the realms of domestic violence lies the all too often normalised behaviour pattern of inappropriate and non-consensual sexual demands.  

Behind closed bedroom doors - angry perpetrators repeatedly filling themselves with rage at their partners for their own past hurts, often firing up sexual tension, by their need for power and control over the one/s they claim to love, this is not love – this is a hunger, a hunger for release, they are able to claim their own power back temporarily – until it happens again and again.

A need to own a person is a dangerous need, no one person has the right to own another sexually or to perpetrate his or her sexual needs or controlling behaviour on another without that persons consent.

Written by Sue J Daniels © Sue J Daniels 2009

Case Reflection (ID Protected) Martina

Raging he would tell me to go to bed – sometimes even at 2o’clock in the afternoon, he would bring other men into our bed and some of the worst kind of degradation would happen to me and then when it was all over he would kick them out and beat me so badly for having had sex with others that I would actually feel ashamed. It was always my fault; I was confused – sick and so tired. It took me a long-time and some very undercover therapy (which had to be done under cover of other appointments such as doctors and shopping trips) but I finally managed to get the strength to get a plan and get away. For safety I have a new identity and a new life. I am happy and now have a new and very loving man. Sex is normal – I worried for some time that I would never let a man near me but those thoughts subsided in time and now I am free.

Case Reflection (ID Protected) Laura

He was never really violent – not like you see on TV or read in magazines but there were certain things he would force me to do, you know sexually. I would ask him not to, or say I was too tired, but he would say “its your duty you belong to me”. I was scared because he was always so violent in the bedroom and in the end I would just shut off to it, to keep the peace. It was always over quite quickly and then I would get some peace for a while. I learnt to hate him and thank goodness he’s out of my life now – hopefully not inflicting his terrible ways on some other poor woman.
 

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